Quick update

I didn’t have a good start to the year. It’s so frustrating. I am in a depression mode. But, I have to move on and life is in session. Something about not having a deeper awareness of not using a condom while having sex scares the hell out of me.

I just need some time..


Thank you

It’s Sunday morning!! I perpetually play tennis at this time, but I opted to skip it due to the reoccurence of my shoulder injury. My friend suggested that I should alternate days if I really wanted to heal the injury. It was a good idea and I took it for my own sake. I mean, I take advice from no one but that was a pretty good one.

Regarding my scholarship, I called my agent about the offer letter. She wasn’t answering because she was on the other phone. So, this other agent picked my call up and explained to me that they had sent the defer form to the university on my behalf. I was so relieved to hear that. I mean, I solely wanted to know about it’s progress. My best friend had pushed me on this matter. I do think sometimes I need to be pushed. Consequently, I pushed other people too because I could be quite impatient at times. However, I don’t want to be perceived as someone that is desperate and pushy.

Therefore, I would really like to say merci beaucoup to my two friends for their supports, advices, and all the thing they’ve done for me.

I guess the only big problem left for me is my unemployment. My application once again, was rejected. I was so bumped. On a different note, my sister offered me to stay with her once she moved out, to look after her children while she’s working. I was in two minds. The thing is, her new house is really far from the house I’m currently staying in. Besides, I don’t want to separate from my tennis-circle friends. Spending time together and playing tennis with them is the best part of my day. On the other hand, she is my SISTER. I want to help her, but.. you know. I mean what kind of brother would I be if I couldn’t even help my own sister?

I’m so torn inside.


I can’t believe it. I just….. really can’t believe it.

For all this time, I thought that maybe I’m the one that remembered every single thing that I knew about him. But in the twist of event, we talked. Yes, WE talked. I would have never imagined in a thousand years, that I would talk to him, let alone he’s the one starting the conversation. I’m so stunned!!!

HIM: Did you walk here?

ME: Yes, I live near to this area (answering while my heart was pounding inside my chest).

HIM: I saw you driving back then.

ME: ???

HIM: Pesona (A type of car).

ME: Oh yeah. I was late that time.

Then, I was just jaw-dropped. How he could even remember me driving, unless he’s paying the absolute attention? Right? Maybe he’s into me. I mean, you remember the details of someone that you admire or love. The driving thing was like a long time ago. Even I didn’t remember about it. Yet, he did.

I’m so happy and confused inside. LOL.

Pain and Suffering.

“I get this uncontrollable needs to please people” – Monica Geller in The One which Ross Got Tanned.

Assalamualaikum and hello to everyone.

I have missed blogging. God knows how much I missed blogging.

I felt really lazy to write, sometimes. But most of the times, I had a lot of things going on, and I wanted to write about it, but I just didn’t know how to express it… Or write it.

Like right now, I have tons of things to say, or write..but I don’t really know where to start.

My shoulder pain has been bothering me for weeks now. I play tennis every day. Except when it rains. It’s kinda funny because that is how I get shoulder injury, but at the same time I hate it, because I can’t play better tennis because of it. Ironic isn’t it? Anyway, I think the pain has diminished gradually, but I still feel the pain when I’m serving. I just have to suck it up but off the court, I’m crying. It really hurts me.. at some point I can’t even sleep. And it’s not just my shoulder, it’s my wrist too. My right wrist. It kills me when I can’t even hold something that is not that heavy. I feel handicapped. And abnormal.

But I keep playing tennis. Why? I don’t want to aggravate the injury, I know that. But I also don’t want to disappoint my friends. Or even worse, break my promises. I mean, why in the hell I keep playing if I know that it will worsen my condition? Because I love my friends. My new friends. They are my tennis-circle friends. I hardly have any friends when my best buds are studying abroad. So, when I make new friends, I cherish them. And I don’t want to give them any bad impression about myself. Having said that, I’ll not disappoint them. So, when they ask me to join them to play tennis, I said yes. Even if I’m so freaking exhausted and my legs are killing me.

At the moment, I’m in the heat of mounting pressure to get a job. Yes, I’m still unemployed. In addition, my best bud ask me to join him on a trip to Brisbane. So, there’s two problems. Firstly, I have no job. Secondly, how in the world I’m gonna get the money to pay for my trip since I have no job?? He said no pressure. Don’t think too much about this. Yeahh right. Of course I will think about this all the time. I want to join this trip.  I want to make this trip a reality. I don’t want to miss a chance to go there. And I still have time to find the funds for this trip. I don’t know how, but I’m gonna figure it out.

I think I’ll update about my unemployment in the next post.

Do you know what’s more painful than not getting a scholarship? Missing the dateline of a scholarship. I found a great opportunity for me to get a scholarship for my Masters in UK. Yayasan Daya Diri will open their scholarship programs for whoever wants to apply for it this October. I have read all of their terms, conditions , and qualifications. I met all the criteria but one. They need offer letter from the applicant’s university. I had one, but that was for the previous enrollment. Since I’ll  apply for the next enrollment, I’m gonna need a new one. I emailed my agent about this matter, but she hasn’t emailed me back. That made me so nervous. And it’s so painful that I have to wait. I’m so afraid that I’m gonna miss the dateline. But I hope not.

I really hope that all my problems will sort out greatly. Ya Allah, perkenankanlah segala permintaanku. Amin.

SS ’11 Update: Day 4, 5, 6 and 7

Day 4: 14/4/2011.

On the previous night, I’ve done some light exercises, and was thinking to follow it up in the morning. But, I was so hesitant because I have my driving license’s test on that day. The thing that fear me the most is that I will become so exhausted that my leg won’t be performing to the optimum level. The last thing I need is to be physically tired.

Unfortunately, I failed the test for the third time. I was so depressed because I have high hope for it. It was emotionally drained as well, and I forgot to do anything, just because I kept thinking about where the things that have been gone wrong. On the less positive note, I didn’t cry my heart out. I was holding it inside. And I knew that was so foolish of me to do.

Day 5: 15/4/2011.

The depression went on and on. Until post-Friday-prayer, when I finally cracked. I’ve been feeling ill because of it actually.

I went out later in the evening to watch movie with my brother. We watched “Just Go With It”. It’s so hilarious!!! I thought that by going out and mingling with people could reduce the amount of stress and cold, it did, but I didn’t feel it that much you know.

So, I just went home after that and fell asleep.

Day 6: 16/4/2011.

I was busy throughout the day with the Sarawak State Election’s results and post-election analysis. Unfortunately, BN retained it’s two third majority, and PAS lost all seats which it has contested.

Day 7: 17/4/2011.

I was busy house-keeping, since it’s the arrival of my parents from Sawarak, and they were complaining that the house were a mess. So, as a big brother, I have to clean it up. I guess I was sweating here and there, and some calories were burnt. But not much of it.

p/s: I am really LAZY to continue on this project, but I will try my best to get to the finish line. One more thing, I think I need to take care of myself, before everyone else’s. It seems like I always been following people’s orders and satisfying them, and that is so exhausting.

SS ’11 Update: Day 2 and 3

Day 2: 12/4/2011.

I went to pick up my sis at the hospital in the morning. So, nope. No exercise again. I waited till evening to officially begin the project. But I got off to a bad start. It was raining heavily right before I step outside to do some stretchings. Really, really bad luck.

So, I guess there is still no improvement on the weight loss. 😦

Day 3: 13/4/2011.

I woke up late. So frustrated because I planned to kick-off the morning with exercise. Then, I went to practise for my driving license’s test tomorrow. I really hope that I make it this time.

My legs were sore in the evening, so I cancelled the training. and I slept till dusk. How about that? Terrible lifestyle huh?

Finally, after Isya’ (the last prayer of the day), I decided to do the exercise at night. I’ve never done this before. I was afraid of the dark at first, but it was slowly going away.

I finished the exercise for 45 minutes of jogging and walking. Then I added some conditioning works for about 20 minutes.

So, it’s officially begun and I wish that I can maintain this level of consistency, and work my way slowly to reach the target.

SS ’11 Update

Day 1: 11/4/2011.

I didn’t do any exercise. I’m neither happy nor sad about it.

In fact, I have much much better news to share with you guys. My sister has safely given birth to a 2.8 kg baby girl. I already have a nephew, and now a newborn-niece is perfectly-welcomed to the family. I am so happy. It’s indescribable.

Prior to the delivery, I saw my sister in agony. That was exciting. And nervewracking.

At the end of the day, it was worth to be there with my sister, and her husband of course, eventhough it was time-consuming. I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained after a very long day.

For the project, I’ll try harder next day.

Now, for the first time in the world, I present to you guys my name-which-yet-to-be-determined niece: